Entry #481

Time: 8:45 am
Location: Watershed Heights Basement, in bed
Temperature: 12° Celsius
Humidity: 45%


I wonder what it's like to be a plant. I know how they grow and how they breathe. I know what they need to live. I know how to help them productive. But what really makes a plant tick? What defines a ficus's existential reality? Would a fern be a Stoic or an Epicurean?


Time: 8:46 am
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


I need to get inside their heads. But how?


Time: 9:30 am
Location: The park across from Stop n' Shop Grocery. In a hole.
Temperature: 22° Celsius
Humidity: 43%


There. That should do it. I've got water if I get thirsty, and there's lots of sun here. I should be set for a while. All I have to do is think plant.


Time: 9:41 am
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


Mmmm. Sun.


Time: 9:58 am
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


Time is meaningless - everything is just a blur of thought. And emptiness.


Time: 10:20 am
Location: Same
Temperature: 24° Celsius
Humidity: 44%


I'm not sure I like this. There's too much time. I can't stop thinking of him. Why can't I stop thinking of him?


Time: 10:48 am
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


I am 57 years old. I shouldn't feel this way anymore. I shouldn't miss him like this. I should be able to move on with my life. There was a reason I left.


Time: 11:16 am
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


I can still see his eyes in our silent conversations. The almost imperceptible crinkle at the corner when he laughed, or the light in the middle when he said he loved me. The way his hair spilled over his forehead when he slept. 


Time: 11:40 am
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


Damn it. I left him. I LEFT HIM. 


Time: 12: 08 pm
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


Why do I still love him when I shouldn't?


Time: 12:56 pm
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


Push it out of your head Margie-girl. Stop wasting energy on useless passion – you've ruled your life by reason, and this is no time to change. Watch the people around you. Feel the sun on your skin. Dig your toes in the earth and understand what plants understand. Think about everything so you can think about nothing.


Time: 1:00 pm
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


The woman with the leaky ceiling is sitting on a bench in the playground. Her head twitches slightly, like she's counting the squeaks of the rusty swings as the wind tangles them together. 


A teenage girl is staggering along the sidewalk. She is covered from head to toe in soot. The woman with the leaky ceiling has gotten up to follow her.


Two men with a hand truck have taken the ATM from Stop 'n Shop and are running down the alleyway, presumably towards a getaway car. Nectar robbers have a better strategy, and they're running off a cerebral ganglion, not a brain. 


Time: 1:03 pm
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


I hate people.


Time: 1:23 pm
Location: Same
Temperature and Humidity: Same


Ferns are definitely Stoics. Feeling emotion without moving is impossible – they'd explode.